Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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