I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
