capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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