I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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