I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
