I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
