Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
