Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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