i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
