I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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