my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
