I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
