i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
