You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
