could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
