Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
