Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
COCAINE IS GR8
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
