I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
