I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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