if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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