just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
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Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
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I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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