Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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