I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
