Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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