whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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