I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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