Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We named our party play list daddy issues
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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