I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
