Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
