I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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