Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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