Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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