At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
COCAINE IS GR8
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
