I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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