We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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