Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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