he shaved USA in his pubs
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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