New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
