My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
