I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
