I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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