I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
