so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
