Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
