i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
this will be a night to untag.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
