I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
