I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
