Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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