wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
