nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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