I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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