I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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