does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
