My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
