last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
