Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
