Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
