His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
