Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
