i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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