giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's rum buckets o'clock
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
