I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
