I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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