haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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