Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
