theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
