it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
