a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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