I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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