I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
